TARYN'S OTHERLAND: Chapter 10 If the time Bo and I had spent in this place and reality didn't change my perspective enough, the time since forming the pack was like stomping down on the accelerator of a high performance car, add to that a car with a nitrogen fuel-injection system.
While it was Bo and me establishing ourselves in this place, there was always a connection to our past while we acted as survivalist in the wilderness and constant companions as much as was possible within society. There was a stubborn sense of the 'pet' relationship from before. That relationship became confused and complicated as we became intimate. As the weeks and months passed, I struggled with keeping perspective of time and changes.
On the one hand, I seemed to adapt to the wild easily and well, but there was always a part of me that struggled with keeping track of time and events related to time. It was a losing struggle, of course, one that I soon gave up trying to maintain, like a calendar tracking of check marks carved into wood.
Before the wolves, it still nagged at me, even though I was frustrated in my ability to track the passage of time. That changed with the pack. I had been successful in breaking down the natural hierarchical structure of the wolf pack without allowing anarchy to take its place. Leadership was still required and that was still filled by Bo and me. The successful introduction of mating by all adults was very influential in the transition.
It broke down the barrier of alpha/beta dominance and preferential status and created an environment of inclusion and acceptance. Males were still protectors and females were still nurturers, but within those loose categories was mutual support and sharing. Living with one animal, a long-time pet and companion, is much different than becoming a part of a group of 8 animals, all living in a close and sharing family-like structure.
My sense of time and the ways of my past melted into the background of my consciousness until it was nearly gone, but never quite gone.
I was still human despite how much I accepted and adapted to the ways of living wild and natural. The day was based on simply the appearance of light, high light, and the fading of light. Multiple days were broken by darkness and new days. Weeks meant nothing specifically. I no longer bothered with tracking the number of days for weeks. What difference did it make in the wild if the day was Monday or the weekend? Instead, the passage of large segments of time were noticed, more than measured, by the phase of the moon, the appearance of new moons, or the changing seasons.
The changing moon from Last Quarter to New to First Quarter to Full were roughly a week apart and a full moon cycle was roughly a month. A critical element of our success as a group became clear with the two females mating: control of our population.
There was much to learn about pack life from my perspective. Food and living were essential considerations. Packs frequently roamed their territory for food. Packs were known to have ranges as large as 50 to 60 miles or more depending on their size and the abundance of food. The availability of warm and secure living in our cave located in a confined valley had much appeal to me, especially the human me.
Selfishly, I had a strong preference to limit the growth of the pack to manage the comfort within the cave. It might be that other caves existed in the immediate area that were as yet undiscovered.
This one had been unknown to me despite trekking near it several times before Bo found it that snowy day. Was it selfish to want to limit the breeding in the pack? Could it be managed effectively so the females had the opportunity without running amok with our eagerness to mate? The adults took to mating with a relish. They all had to sense that it was unusual, but they all showed their eagerness without dominance.
It was curious and somewhat amusing to see Ma or Dau approach one of the males, rubbing alongside them, tails raised high, and flaunting their interest. That was the thought process that led to my taking control of the situation, or at least, manipulating the situation.
Yes, it was unilaterally taking control of something that affected the pack, but … I rationalized that I was still the only one with the logical analysis skills and directional capability to maneuver the others away from primal instinctual behavior. Besides, I thought the resolution was very creative and a rational compromise.
The pack needed to reproduce, not merely to grow but to have fresh blood and replace members. Wolf life expectancy was considerably shorter than what I hoped mine was, so if the pack was my future, it needed to sustain itself into the future. We had a defensible den and plentiful food sources in our own isolated valley, much less in the more extensive valley to the east and what lay further north and south were yet to be discovered.
I decided after due consideration and analysis that every other breeding cycle could be skipped. The three young ones now would be turning a year with the coming birthing season. If this next cycle was skipped and every other one afterward, the pack would only have one litter of young at any time, which seemed perfect to me. But, we didn't need 6 to 12 pups each year from 2 breeding females, with the number of females increasing in coming years.
My solution seemed so simple. It just had to communicated and introduced with enough time to be reinforced by the time the first went into heat sometime between the start of February and the end of March.
Since finding myself in this place and losing the ability to rely on calendars, I came to find that my period would come sometime around the third quarter of the moon. My period had always been regular, except that time when I was a freshman, which taught me a lesson in responsibility. The time was coming and our sex life in the pack was strong since that first night.
My plan was to use my time in my period as the model for future behaviors. When my period came, I made a point of all the adults seeing it. To them it should have had a similar appearance as their females going into heat. The bloody discharge being very similar indicators.
And perhaps it really is true for human females, as well. In the wolves, the discharge is the indication that the heat is approaching but it is up to the female if she is ready or inclined to mate. That would no longer be the issue with our females.
The issue with ours was for them NOT to mate and for the males NOT to approach them. Each time there was interest in the pack for mating, usually in the evening after settling down the young ones, I indicated my messy crotch and refused firmly. Wolves are smart animals and it didn't take them long until they would come to me, check visually and then by scent before approaching me. I purposely delay for a time after that because the females would stop discharging when they were likely to be at their most fertile.
It wasn't perfect and might take some control from me to enforce, but it was worth a try. I had several moon cycles to set the training before Dau went into heat, first. For the week or so that I was in my period, the whole group refrained from sex.
It really wasn't what I intended but I quickly saw the advantage in group abstinence for when the others started. It meant that from the time that Ma or Dau entered her heat and the other finished hers, the group would be abstinent for nearly a full moon cycle and two quarters, at least 6 weeks in our time. I had a lot of time to put my attention and focus on other activities.
Primary of them was the dynamics of the pack and the evolution of my attire. While I could be happy with the dried jerky as a mainstay of protein intake, it was quickly clear that the wolves were hunters who preferred the kill and fresh meat. Their normal behavior was to roam the region, hunt for prey, and kill to eat. Their bodies were made for the cold days and nights in the winter, sometimes even covered by fresh snow. The very young would remain in the birthing den, but these three were no longer very young and could weather a certain amount of cold with the adults.
It was, however, part of the reason that mortality was so high among the young. I knew that being a part of the pack meant to be part of the pack and that meant during the bad parts, as well.
A sort of unspoken compromise was derived in the process. I joined them on their hunts, even spending several nights out. It was always a few nights at a time, however. For one thing, the wildlife was abundant enough that longer times weren't required. For another, my skill with the bow made the hunt faster and surer. I also knew, though, that I needed the hides and body parts for the other major activity I was focusing on.
That was my clothing, or I should say my covering. I was no longer even sure how long it has been: 6 months, 7 months, something like that. The most dramatic changes in me have occurred since the pack formed, however, and that is a much more recent period. It was a change that I didn't even recognize was occurring until my mind was working on designing and creating coverings for myself. Not just for winter and cold, but also the coming spring and warmer temperatures. It wasn't that I was turning into an animal, I wasn't and I knew that.
What was happening, though, was that I was comfortable living with animals, living like an animal, and living with the freedom of animals. I shed layers of my human self, like peeling back the layers of an onion, stripping away the fears, self-consciousness, and doubts.
I assisted in the hunts, sometimes taking the dominant role with my bow, but still a member of the team in pursuit of game. I assisted with the pups who were growing fast before my eyes and more capable of accompanying the rest on hunts. I assisted in grooming the others. And, most significantly, I mated with the males alongside Ma and Dau. I was accepted as a member of the pack.
No longer did I have thoughts of acceptance because of my relationship with Bo. Male and female, adults and pups, all related to me with trust and comfort. They allowed me to be intimate. They came for soothing and quiet strokes and napped alongside me, even with a head in my lap.
I was nurse when it was needed and they quietly allowed the removal of thorns, burs, and tending to cuts and bruises. I relished the physical contact, soothing, gentle, reassuring, and intimate. My few clothes were wearing out from constant use with improper cleaning and care.
The jeans were increasingly ripped and worn thin. My underwear had become useless long ago. The guards' clothes were fine for coverings, but inadequate for winter and they were uncomfortable being so excessively large. It wasn't that I was comfortable in my body, I stopped even thinking about it.
No mirrors, no reflections. At first it bothered me, the loss of knowing how I looked. It was frightening to think how much we humans looked at ourselves in mirrors, door and window glass as we approached them. But, I got used to not knowing how I looked. My hair became unruly and long.
I started tying a head band around my head to hold it back from my face. I would find an eagle feather and stick it into the band. Sparkly small rocks would be tied with fine sinew and suspended behind my ears. If I had thought about it, I would probably have looked like a frightening sight. But, that was the thing, I didn't think about it, I just enjoyed it. One day, a warm winter day, the sun shining bright and the temperature jumping for a few precious days, I went down to the lake edge wearing only my fur boots and the bear coat.
The coat came to mid shin and the boots to about the same place. I intended to break the ice at the edge of the lake and take a brisk, cold rinsing of my hair and body. The three pups followed me down to the lake while Ma and Dau watched from a distance.
The males were out surveying our territory, marking around the immediate area to let any wolves know that we were here. Another activity I never gave much consideration about life as a wolf.
I removed the coat, placed it on the snowy ground, and kicked off the boots before stepping barefoot and naked onto the coat. The pups were intrigued by my actions, especially my jumping as I splashed the cold water onto my body and rubbed it into my hair. I shivered, bounced, and made all sorts of noises in response. They jumped around with me, gently barking, and enjoying this new game we were playing.
They licked the water off my legs. I looked down my body at the three licking my legs, enjoying the feel of the sun on my body after the long days of cold. I turned to look behind me and smiled at the two females. When I looked back down at the pups, I saw what I had been ignoring … my body. I had always been athletic, but I was comfortable being in what I thought was good shape.
What I saw nearly took my breath away. If I had shown this body in the gym, I would have been the envy of all, male and female. My diet was heavy on protein with a mix of nuts and roots. There were no junk calories. My activity was rigorous and non-stop. The muscles in my body were popping out. My abs were like the fake posters for exercise programs. I ran my hands over my body as I watched them. I shivered at the touch, not from the cold, but knowing this was me, this is what has happened to me.
My eyes welled up with tears and a drop slid onto my cheek, but I was laughing as I raised my head to the sun and howled out to the world.
It was true and nothing could alter this reality: I wasn't just surviving, managing, or getting by day-by-day; I was thriving here. My body was strong; my mind was clear and active; and my heart was full of love and family … both given and received.
When I dressed to return to the cave, I realized what I needed from now on. My winter boots needed to be higher, to just below my knees with lacing wound around to hold them in place. I needed nothing else for warmth besides the coat. In the days to come, I focused on that task and my thoughts worked out my needs for warmer weather: a cloak, something that could be tied at the neck or shoulders, possibly with slits for my arms to go through and tied in front if needed for warm, but otherwise free hanging.
Spring and fall would be one weight and summer a much lighter weight. Revelations were frequent for me in this new life. Many times it was about me, my abilities, and my weaknesses. Many more times it was about pack life and the world in nature. Intellectually, I am a specialist in wildlife and a preference for wolves. But, it is one thing to intellectually, scientifically, know something about wolves and packs or other wildlife and their environment, but I was learning continuously how much different it was to KNOW it.
I was living it now and I was learning constantly the difference between academic knowledge and life experience on the same subjects. I thought I was so smart and could control the breeding of these females. That human side of me still had a bad habit of over thinking things.
Not everything happens for a logical and rational reason. Life in nature is fluid, dynamic, and unpredictable. And, that was reinforced in spades. The weather gave us a warm respite to the cold and snow that was normal for the winter days. It was an opportunity for the entire pack, including the pups, to share a hunt and time away from the cave. As usual, it was a combination of the wolves' instincts and my interpretation of signs and landscape that led us to an overlook of a small group of elk.
I was hoping for an elk to provide sufficient size for the pack and a good hide for my uses. The wolves had developed an uncanny recognition of signals from me and an acceptance of a killing sequence that was unique to my participation, which was much different from when I was not participating.
When it was only Bo and I, we relied on my making a clean kill, sometimes requiring several well placed arrows in the heart region. The pack eased the pressure on a clean kill, which I was thankful for on the cold days when it was more difficult to hold and aim the bow. I needed one good arrow, placed well enough to weaken and restrict the animal.
The wolves took care of the rest, corralling the animal from moving too far until I could arrive for the final kill with either another arrow at close range or the knife, if the wolves got the animal to the ground. The bull elk was badly wounded and stumbling, confined by wolves on all sides. I approached to make the final shot that would provide a clean and quick end for the animal.
I drew back the arrow, focused on the spot I was targeting when I felt and then saw peripheral movement to the right. Uno and Dau were on that side and turned at the same moment to confront the intrusion. I relaxed, refocused on the elk, and completed the kill.
I quickly drew another arrow and shifted my attention to the right, however. Just inside the trees and about 50 yards from us were three wolves. They stood watching us, then sat in the snow, not otherwise moving. I scanned the surrounding forest for signs, sounds, or any indication of other wolves.
It was unusual for wolves to hunt or roam in small groups if they had an option, especially for large game like an elk. I saw and heard nothing, however, and the pack was reacting to nothing but the visible three in front of us. Bo moved to a position just in front of Uno and Dau, taking the dominant position of protector for the pack.
I turned my attention to the elk, cutting the jugular to assure its death, then beginning the task of removing the hide.
That was another uncanny recognition of the wolves, they waited before approaching the carcass to eat. They waited for me to remove the hide, then they ate. I cut chunks of meat for the pups to feed from, then backed away for Ma and Dos to eat. In the meantime, I rolled the hides up for carrying back to the cave. I moved to Bo and indicated my hand movement for Dau and Uno to go to the carcass.
Uno looked up at me, to the three, and back to me. Before he turned back to join the others at the carcass, he stepped alongside Bo, growled menacingly, and trotted past me.
I put my hand out to stroke his side as he past, a smile crossing my face in recognition of his protective gesture. He would make a fine alpha someday if he decided to leave and find his own pack.
I knelt beside Bo and put my arm around him. I had been sweating from the exertion of removing the hide and opened the bear hide coat. As I knelt, my bare knee sunk into the snow and I switched to squatting, the coat parting in front of me and I felt the cool air on my skin. The three remained where they were, simply watching. As I watched them, though, I was able to discern their condition.
They were not nearly as healthy as the pack. They seemed thinner, their fur less healthy looking. There could be a number of reasons for them to be on their own, but not many positive ones. For whatever reason, they seemed left to their own devices and they haven't been very successful. While stroking Bo, I came to a decision that wasn't completely mine to make, but we would see what would happen.
I returned to the carcass and the others backed away at my approach. They had made quick work of this side of the animal. I cut off small pieces, again, giving them to the pups before pulling on the legs and turning it over to the side they couldn't access. I cut four large chunks off, returned to Bo where I dropped one piece, then walked a half dozen steps towards the three, and threw the remaining pieces to them. They flinch backwards at the thrown pieces, but they smelled the fresh meat.
I returned to Bo, dipped my hands into the snow to clean off the blood from the meat, and watched as they moved forward, took the meat, and returned to the edge of the trees.
We spent the night after I built a fire. After the pack returned to the carcass to gorge, again, I cut off more meat and threw them to the three. That night, the pups and I were closest to the fire, then Ma and Dau, with the males on the outside. It is just what happened, the males forming a protective line. In the morning, I rose and examined the carcass. They had done a sufficient job of it. I rolled the carcass looking for the parts with the best amount of remaining meat, breaking off ribs and bones for the pack to finish off.
I threw other bones and ribs to the three who were still at the edge of the trees. I made a travois, cut out the sinew that I could, wrapped it and some raw meat for jerky into the hides, and loaded them and an antler onto the travois for dragging back to the cave.
It occurred to me how useful a horse would be right then, but I hadn't even seen one. All indication from the arrows, spears, tools, and baskets was that this could have been pre-Columbian … if it had been my North America. In that series of events, horses were re-introduced to North America by the Spanish through their conquest in the far south. How had events transgressed here? With the three continuing to follow at a discreet distance behind us, the order of our group was changed.
Normally, it would have been two males in front with one behind us females and the pups. Now, in deference to the unknown three, both Uno and Dos took up positions behind us with Bo leading the group back up the valley. It was common for us to move steadily and without stops for hours at a time, sometimes at a trot, jog for me.
With the travois, however, I was reduced to stopping frequently for rest, especially after passing through rough and rocking sections. When we crossed the landslide dam to access the side of the river/lake our cave was located, I once again stopped for rest after carefully dragging the travois over the uneven rocks, struggling to keep it balanced and not spilling over the side.
I had again opened the coat to let the sweat evaporate from my body and was tempted to take it off for a while, but wisely didn't. I looked for Bo and found him at the edge of the dam, his attention on the three who were anxiously walking back and forth at the other side.
It was obvious to me that they wanted to come across and I felt their basic intention was to ultimately join us. I was sure our pack was about to grow by three, but how to make the move. They were nervous because they would be exposed once they started across the dam. Uno and Dos joined Bo and I joined them at the edge. I gave Uno and Dos a 'stay' command and dragged my hand over Bo's head for him to follow me. Instead, Bo leapt from boulder to boulder, moving in front of me and looking back over his shoulder with a look that might have been, 'Woman!
You don't know this is safe.' As we approached, the three backed up slightly. Bo emitted a low growl, his head down, teeth bared, and his ruff raised. He was displaying dominance and the next moment would be deciding.
I glanced over my shoulder at a sound and found Uno and Dos alert and edging onto the dam.
What happened, happened fast and plainly. The two males lowered their entire bodies, their lips and ears were drawn back, their tails went down and fully between the legs, and their muzzles pointed up indicating their submission to the new alpha.
The female rolled to her back, exposing her vulnerable throat and underside, and her paws drawn into the body in complete submission. Bo put his nose to each, receiving a return touch while they remained in submissive postures. Bo then turned his back on them, waited for me to turn and followed me across the dam.
As I took up the travois for the final haul to the cave, the three fell in line behind Uno and Dos. For the next five or so days, they were kept in the 'patio' as I thought of the warm, enclosed area outside the mouth of the cave.
I named the two males Tre and Qua, in keeping with the random males names. The female I called Grey because of her significantly light shade of fur. But, it wasn't long before they were active hunting partners and invited into the cave for one of our mating sessions.
It was a strange sight to see the reaction of the three as the rest of the adults moved among each other in obvious flirtation and raw display of our wants. It was uncommon behavior for wolves, but we had moved past that. Now, we were again faced with the breaking down of instinctive roles all over again. It didn't take long, however. Apparently, the natural desire to mate is universal and it is only the traditional pack behavior that hold all except the alpha and beta from enjoying.
The first time, the three remained apart and watched the crazed scene playing out before them. I noticed the two males with cocks out from their sheath, but neither made a move on Grey. A few days later, though, that changed. The wolves had gone off on a hunt, but I stayed back to work on some ideas of coverings for the warmer weather that was bound to come.
The pups stayed with me and we ate jerky in the meantime. They played and I cut, shaped and sewed; at least, in between times they pulled me into their play. As they grew, their play became more energetic and rougher as their size increased.
It was getting to the point that I was at their mercy. The night of their return, I could see in the eyes of Ma and Dau that this was going to be the night, again.
It wasn't long before the three of us were parading before the males. Grey watched intently and when Dau lowered her front and presented her ass to Uno, it was only a moment until he was on her back. I did the same to Bo and Ma presented herself to Dos. As Bo sank his lovely cock into me, I gasped, which drew Grey's attention to me.
She moved in front of Tre and Qua, lowered front and raised ass and tail. She apparently didn't care who took her, just so one of them would. After Qua jumped onto Grey's back, Tre looked among the mating couples.
Putting too much onto the look on a canine's face, he looked lost among all the activity. Bo was on me, pumping into me furiously. Between grunts generated by the thrusting of cock into my pussy and the beginnings of his knot at my entrance, I called to Tre.
Not much sound came out of my mouth, though. I moaned at the pounding Bo was giving me and remembered the first time when the wolves joined us. Each time he seemed particularly intent on demonstrating that I was primarily his, that I was the beta.
I concentrated on forming my commands and called to Tre one word at a time. He came to me with a careful eye on Bo, but I knew Bo was good with what I was about to do and he never hesitated in his frenzied thrusts into my pussy.
Even as I encouraged Tre onto the ground in front of me, I felt the knot forming and bumping against my lips, just beginning to spread me to enter. Once on the ground in front of me, Bo was comfortable enough with the process that he stopped just long enough for me to pull us forward so I could easily reach Tre's body.
He flinched and made a strange sound when I touched his sheath, but with the activity going on around him, he seemed ready to trust this strange pack that included a human, if he even knew what a human was. I stroked his sheath with one hand while touching his muzzle and neck with the other. Before too many strokes, though, my lips and tongue were on his exposed cock. If he flinched before, he jerked his entire body at the unusual touch, but he remained where he was. My lips were on the end of his cock, sucking the precum out, when Bo thrust his knot into me causing my mouth to open in a gasp and my body to move forward with his hips pressing into me.
The effect was to jam Tre's cock deep into my mouth. I felt his cock twitch, but I didn't want him to cum in my mouth when all the other males were getting a pussy. I worked Bo hard, jamming myself back onto his cock and knot. I climaxed from my aggressive action and moments later I felt Bo's cock twitch and jerk inside me, then sending his cum into me with numerous spurts.
I passively licked Tre's cock, keeping him hard and exposed as Bo and I remained tied. I glanced several times at the others and found them similarly tied. I caught myself checking more frequently, hoping that Bo and I would break the tie before the others. There was no question in my mind that the other females would just as willingly take a second mating, but this life kept me in a steady state of horniness. This was being human, but being animal.
There was nothing too blatant, too obscene, or too gross with them. I could do what I wanted and I reveled in the ability to do so. After mating with Tre, there was a similar sense of common acceptance and understanding I felt originally when Bo and I mated with the pack.
It seemed so long ago, but it wasn't. Now, we had three more members in our pack and they were already indoctrinated into our sexual freedom. My clever plan to avoid pregnancy this first year could have gone up in the smoke of our passions with the addition of these three. Grey went into heat in only a few weeks of joining our pack and, once started, there was no holding those three back, even if the rest understood my intentions.
As luck had it, Dau and Ma entered heat at nearly the same time. After they went through their heaviest flow, I made sure we spent more time exploring and hunting when the discomfort of the cold minimized the temptation of mating.
I learned my lesson, nature has a way of doing things its own way and to its own schedule without consideration or concern for the clever thoughts and plans of humans. It was a lesson I learned, and tried to not impose my human processes on the ways of nature. ------------------------------------------------ Continued in Chapter 11