TRUST AND DISGUST by Bobjj123 I've felt the sweet taste of revenge for wrongs perpetrated against me and the joy in knowing that it was me that orchestrated it. On the other side, I've seen the ugly side of revenge. I've seen what it does to a persons mind and how devastating it can be for any concerned. Revenge is easy. . usually easier that the instigator of the revenge had hoped. Revenge can be simple or complicated depending solely on the mind of the perpetrator and it's effects can be far reaching.
I now know that the price paid for extracting revenge is high. . higher than the sweet taste of joy that one derived from their revenge. Today, I pay that price asI sit alone in my solitary world. When Tina and I were married, it had seemed like a marriage made in heaven. She was a bright, confident, healthy woman that I'd known since early childhood.
We'd grown up together and our parents were close friends. As we'd approached high school and the awesome prospects of this new society, we faced those travails together. Together, we were soon comfortable in school affairs and we found our first loves together.
We'd taken each other's virginity during those high school years and had become wholly dedicated to each other. At the university, we'd studied and learned together as we learned to cope with life together. It was during those years at the university that our trust matured and we found an intimacy that I valued like nothing else in the world. Each day at the school we'd worked and studied just to maintain our status at the university and our meager existence.
Each day, we'd supported each other and our trust and intimacy grew. Naturally, the sex between us was great and improved with each day as our experience and trust and intimacy grew. It was a hard life, those university years, but we had each other and we had our love.
Although, we hadn't realized it, those were happy times. Then, with graduation, Tina and I both found good entry level jobs in our chosen professions. Life became a little easier as our well paying jobs brought in large sums of money and our expenses were few. We made love and we enjoyed each other's company when not at our work. Soon, we'd bought a nice home and furnished it to Tina's delight.
I'd put in lawns and shrubbery outside. Life was good as Tina and I enjoyed new joys together. We talked of starting a family to fill the home we had constructed. Our days were filled with the delights of living and our nights were filled with passion as Tina and I'd tried every sexual position and act with each other.
We'd experimented with cunnilingus and fellatio and even anal once but found that we preferred lots of intimate foreplay before well coordinated coitus the best. Somehow, we seemed to never tire of each other. We remained in a sort of lusty heat at all times. I loved that woman and lived for our intimate moments. Those three years after graduation from the university had been a happy time.
It's hard to say when things began to go badly. I could never pin it to a date or event; nor could I understand it. At first, it seemed like Tina was extremely busy at work. She'd had become somewhat nervous and distraught and her condition had an effect on our relationship.
Of course, I offered my support in the form of taking over her household duties and supporting her at home. At first, I felt no real concern as she'd surely get through her problems and we'd get back to normal again. Months passed and Tina's situation seemed to remain stressful as she didn't eat well and seemed to be constantly fatigued.
Even with my support, she seemed overwhelmed.
Of course, our sex life dwindled to irregular times sometimes two weeks between sessions. Since this was all gradual and I didn't notice these day to day changes that had occurred I remained largely unconcerned. I was sure of Tina and our love so it was my pleasure and my duty to support her. This I did. I loved her with all my being! It was near holiday season when I happened to meet one of the women from Tina's office - a woman I knew fairly well.
This woman seemed to want to say something - something she was unable to put words to. As we chatted about casual things, I saw her working to put together her thoughts. Then suddenly, she blurted them out, "Your wife's been having little trysts with Sol Garmandi. You need to know." With that she left me. Having heard her words, I'd smiled to myself. I was sure that "Tina loved me and she'd never do such a thing.
Besides, she' been working long hours at her job and there was simply no time." I discounted the whole conversation and dismissed it from my mind. When the holiday season came around, Tina's office had a big Christmas party for their employees - strange with their stressful workload but it meant nothing to me at the time. It was to take place on a Friday afternoon and I wasn't invited - again, strange for those kind of affairs but I gave it no thought.
When she hadn't arrived home from the party at the usual time, I wasn't too concerned. Party's often last longer than anticipated. By nine o'clock I became more concerned and a telephone call to her office found the night watchman who reported the party was indeed over. Perhaps she'd gone out for food after the party, I thought.
At a quarter to two in the morning, I heard the door open and Tina step in to the living room where I sat, waiting! She staggered in her drunken condition and turned to go directly to our bathroom where she quickly disrobed and entered the shower.
She'd been out drinking and she'd ignored me as she had passed me in their living room. I moved to pull the covers back on the bed and felt relieved that she was safely home. She'd tell me about it later, I thought. When she came to the bed, she simply crawled under the covers and ignored me.
As I lay next to her I reasoned, "She'd been under a lot of stress. Perhaps this drunken party would relieve some of that stress." Saturday morning, found me in the kitchen where I'd prepared a nice breakfast for us and awaited Tina's arrival. At 1030, she came into the kitchen in a sour mood which I attributed to a hangover.
As I set the coffee and food in front of her, she turned and said, "I don't want that and flew into a rage. It was the first time I'd ever seen her rage and I was shocked - I sat back stunned, searching for words.
"Just get the hell out and leave me alone," she screamed as the tears flowed from her eyes! I complied with her wishes and went outside to do my yard work. As I worked, I felt concern for Tina - she was really wound up tight! It was late afternoon when I returned indoors and met her. Tina was smiling and had regained her composure. As I kissed her, all seemed normal and we went out for an early dinner. On our return home, Tina pulled me directly to the bedroom where she rapidly seduced me.
She worked with the fury of one sex starved and I was fully prepared in no time. Then, with me on my back, she rode me, cowgirl style, with a vehemence I'd seldom seen before.
After two weeks of abstinence, I lay enjoying her vigor. Still, there was something lacking - something that made it just a fuck and not making love. I felt it and so did she! She worked harder as she drover herself on to my cock but we were still fucking and not making love. This was a first between us. I, of course, attributed our problem to her work related stress.
Then, after she'd brought about my ejaculation and we lay in bed together she moved affectionately to place her bare body against mine and it felt good. Soon we were asleep. Moe weeks passed and our situation didn't seem to improve.
Tina and I had simply stopped having sex with me as her attitude at home became one of living in her own little world while ignoring the house and me. I worried. It was the last day of January when the blow came. I was in my office at work when I had a caller - one Sheila Garmandi!
When she came into the room unannounced, I arose to face her as she threw an envelope on my desk. "Your wife's been fucking my husband," she said in an angry manner. I started to object as she continued, "Look in the envelope.] Something in her manner caused me to calm my ire and look into the envelope.
In it were a series of pictures. The first, obviously taken at the company Christmas party showed Sol and my wife embracing as he had a hand on Tina's thigh. The second was taken at an upscale restaurant in a downtown hotel.
As I looked, Sheila said simply, "Seen enough." My first thought was that there had been some mistake - that couldn't be Tina. She loved me! "Where'd you get these pictures," I asked. "I've had a private detective on their case for some time.
You can have copies of his reports if you want them." Suddenly, my eyes filled with tears. "How could I have been so stupid?" I wondered. Still, I loved her and wanted this whole proof to go away.
That afternoon, there was a telephone call from Sheila and she reported, Your wife will tell you about an important business conference in Mobile that she's been ordered to attend next week. She'll actually be at the Bayshore Inn with Sol for the week. Hearing this my thoughts began to gel. I felt anger - deep, abiding anger such as I'd never felt before. I'd been betrayed by the love of my life. I began to plan. Of course, Tina came home with the story of the conference exactly as I'd expected and I'd expressed my sorrow that she'd be gone.
Then, Sunday night she left. It was then that my anger surfaced; my emotions were strong! Tina had deceived me, broken our marriage vows and violated the trust I'd placed in her. She'd hurt me deeply and I wanted to get even. . I wanted revenge! I wanted to hurt her as badly as she'd hurt me!
That night, I lay awake planning! My mind was filled with one thought - revenge! Then, by Monday morning, I'd formulated my plan. The thought of executing my plan gave me pleasure even as I felt the deep hurt of her betrayal. Monday, I acted to get the legal matters of divorce out of the way. With my lawyer, I'd requested a decree of 'Separate Maintenance." Then, I had the locks rekeyed on our house and all the doors and window locks rechecked.
On Thursday, I closed all the credit card accounts and moved the monies in our joint bank account into accounts with only my name on them. By nightfall, an accountant had developed a list of our joint assents and a plan for splitting them evenly. Friday morning, I dispatched the divorce documents to Tina at the Baywood Inn. The rest of Friday, I moved all of my soon to be ex-wife's belongings into a storage locker as I remained free of any telephone or communications.
It was early Saturday morning when Id heard a noise at my front door and then, the doorbell. I answered to see Tina facing me.
"What the hell is this?" she shouted as she waved the divorce papers in her hand. "We've got to talk." she continued. "Nothing to talk about, it's right there in the divorce documents," I said as I started to shut the door in her face. "Hold it buster! You can't prove a thing. . ." she said as I shut the door in her face. As I stood behind the closed door, I felt a rush of pleasure.
I'd hurt her; I'd drawn first blood and there'd be more. Vengeance was mine. A few hours later, Tina was back at my door and this time she was calm and collected as she asked, "Can we talk? I can explain. What have you done with our money.
. ?" I shut the door in her face. For the next few days, there was a rash of telephone calls from her - all wanting to talk! I was adamant as I sat extracting pleasure from my actions. Eventually, our divorce went to court and was heard in open court.
My lawyer presented my case well and emphasized Tina's repeated adultery. He offered times and places into evidence along with pictures and results of a private investigators finding to substantiate his findings. He drew out detailed testimony regarding her sexual encounters oin front of the court for all to hear. As each new piece of evidence was entered, I watched Tina's face as had grown more stressful and I felt the pleasure of revenge.
With the close of our presentation, it was obvious that Tina was thoroughly beaten and her reputation ruined. Her lawyer, hoping to save his client's reputation and avoid further embarrassment, simple accepted the case as presented and without further testimony, and it was left to the judge to issue the final decree.
As we were leaving the courtroom, Tina came up beside me and said, "How could you. My life is ruined. ." I'd ignored her as I took pleasure in knowing I'd hurt her.
A few days later, as I was entering a café for lunch, I met a woman from Tina's office and we chatted for a minute. "Too bad about Tina," she said, "The company's fired Sol and he's gone to some distant state. Tina's last day is Friday and she's getting a very bad performance report." After a few more words, we parted and I digested what I'd heard.
Tina was totally devastated and for the first time I felt the terrible pangs of guilt. I had done this to her was entirely my fault. Her family and friends, disgusted with her illicit affair, had already abandoned her. She was ruined and vengeance was mine.
That night I thought about the woman, now my ex-wife that I'd once loved. . that I guess, deep down, I still loved! Nearly broke and without family or friends support, her professional career in shambles, she was living alone in a shabby hotel room. The thought of my vengeance gave me no pleasure.
I thought about going to her and trying to re-establish our old love and intimacy but without the trust I'd always felt towards her, I knew that, with my trust in her shattered, there could never be the intimacy like we'd known again. "Still", I thought, "she deserved better than what I'd done to her." I felt a kind of sorrow. Several weeks later, I met a client for lunch at a coffee shop on the outskirts of town.
We had been seated for a few minutes when I saw her - Tina, in a waitress uniform! As I watched, it was quickly obvious that she was not cut out to be a waitress!
Inept, bumbling and uncoordinated, she didn't belong there. After we'd eaten, it became obvious that she'd recognized me but made no effort to communicate. Then,when I arose, I walked to her and said, "Tina, can we talk?" in hopes of alleviating some of the guilt that I felt. "We've got nothing to talk about." she said and moved to the kitchen. Now, I felt guilt as never before.
I'd done this to her. She was seeking a livelihood in an unskilled service industry were she didn't belong and I was responsible! Bah! For the first time in a longtime I lay in bed sleepless that night as I contemplated the great hurt I'd caused and I felt the self-loathing and disgust that I deserved.
That guilt, self-loathing and disgust stays with me and seems to stifle every move that I make. My creative work suffers and my personal dealings with clients is no longer good! as life, such as it is, goes on.